Pursue not the outer entanglements,
Dwell not in the inner void;
Be serene in the oneness of things,
And dualism vanishes by itself.

From “On Trust in the Heart”
by Seng-t’san (d.606)

Red dot day.

Do into others how you would want them to do into you. Is a romanticized notion. Being nice to everyone around you will get you kicked in the balls more than it’ll get you treated nicely.

Word.

Even though I’ve received my letter-pressed business cards and the Nikkor 70-200 VR II lens today, I feel blue. Heck, I also managed to sketch some really nice ideas for this logo I’m working on – after two whole days of a creative block.

Acquiring material goods always makes most people happy / excited, even if it is only for a short while. But I’ve never been excited with shiny new things – especially when I’ve just received them. The excitement builds once I start using them and receive validation and positive feedback.

I could classify today as a red dot day but the blues have come on only during the latter half. The workout session at the gym must have triggered it because despite an increase in the weights, sets and repetitions, I felt like a loser. In contrast, unlike most other red dot days, I also got a lot accomplished today.

The melancholy blues.

…can be quite a nightmare. All variables are similar to what they were yesterday. Yet, I am very stressed today. Considering everyone’s expectations is not something I handle well. I shall mark this is as a red dot on the calendar, to track a pattern of when I convince myself I am depressed. One key event being my spending better part of the day wrapped in blankets in my bed.

Fortunately B has a lot of patience and tends to leave me alone – which is a double-edged sword really. I want the attention but I want to be left alone as well.

I lament often, “I should have been born a man. Life would have been simpler.”